Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
