your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
