summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
