You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
