How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
