I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
