No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
