She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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