Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
