Do you still have your period?
I puked a lego.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
