is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
