Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
