The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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