First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I looked at my own cervix.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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