just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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