dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
