Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
