I cannot find my penis.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
