it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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