Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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