Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
