Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i think i have two assholes
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
