I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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