Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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