Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
we should paint friendship bongs
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