Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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