if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
