Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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