I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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