Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
