I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
