Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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