I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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