I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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