Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
