thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize