I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
