You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
