I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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