Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize