Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
dude i'm inner monologue high
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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