a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
