She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
