he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
