its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
