if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
vagina is talking i cant
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
