the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Come see our sink grown plant.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
