So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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