the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
