they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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