was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
