Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
