I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
