Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Will exercising make me less horny?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
