Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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