his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
