Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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