bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
