are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
