Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
