whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just pynch a tree in the face
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
