Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Randomize