Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
