Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
