i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
