If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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