well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you traded sex for a burrito?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
