We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
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Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
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Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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