I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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