proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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