Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
