is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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