Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
