Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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