tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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