There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
