New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
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i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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