we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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