He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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