My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
