i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
