don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
