I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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