He kissed a someone with a penis
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
